I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
