Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize