I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
