It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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