I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
