Screwed.edu
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want to make out with him forever
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
