just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
