I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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