Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
