some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
