so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
