The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
