when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
