I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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