Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
