Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
