Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
