he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my phone needs a breathalizer
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
