Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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