She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
