Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
