i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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