i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
