I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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