there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
