my sisters under your porch take her home
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
