she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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