She is in my trunk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
