To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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