I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
