I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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