dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
BRING THE BAGELS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
