Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
