Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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