Umm I'm too high to move.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
