1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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