i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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