oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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