We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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