I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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