We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
