I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
