Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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