I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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