oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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