you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
