and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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