So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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