So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
