..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
