I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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