I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize