If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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