you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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