Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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