Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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