Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
