No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
