Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
