Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize