So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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