and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
