I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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