better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
