Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
