She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
