I'm so fucking centered right now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Terrible idea I love it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
