The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
