When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
