ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
