just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
