Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
