Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
