you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
