Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
