I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have feelings that need drinking.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
