There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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