dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize