Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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