We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
