Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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