So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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