I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
