So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
