$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
