nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
