I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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