Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
